“You can’t count on anything outside of yourself to make you feel better.” Abraham, a collective of spirit, channeled this message through while talking about the current state of affairs in America; however, this is true in every situation every day for everyone. I was married to two very strong-willed men – no, not at the same time, silly. Both of them would fly into a rage if something was not what they expected it to be. I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of somebody’s temper tantrum. It was one of my lessons to be learned this lifetime. I’ve learned the lesson now … it took me a couple of tries but I get it now. Don Miguel Ruiz wrote a book about it called The Four Agreements and just reading the words in the book works like magic to help us recover our authentic selves. The words are freeing and release us from the bond of so many limiting beliefs. To me, the most powerful agreement is the second one – Don’t take anything personally. Wow. Why do we get upset with people? Because we take it personally what they do or say or how they act. When you see others as they are without taking it personally, you can never be hurt by what they say or do. “Personal importance or taking things personally is an expression of selfishness because we assume that everything is about me” is a line from the book. I remember in many arguments with my ex making the statement, “This is not about you – it’s about me!” When someone takes everything personally, even if what a spouse or significant other is saying or doing has nothing to do with them or the relationship, it only creates strife in the relationship.
Ruiz goes on to say, “You are never responsible for the actions of others but you are responsible for you.” Once that sinks in it is so freeing. It doesn’t matter who the “others” are, i.e., spouse, neighbor, friend, etc., you are not responsible for their actions. You notice I left children out of that list because parents are held legally responsible for the actions by their children up to the age of majority in almost every state in the US if they cause damage. That’s a whole different discussion. Let’s focus on the fact that we get upset with others who we have no control over their actions or words. Why do we continue to get upset? Why do we focus on how horrible things look and continue to cry gloom and doom? Because those who continue to do that didn’t get the memo or if they got it they either ignored it or didn’t understand it. If that is the case with you, go back to the first sentence in this blog. Do a self check-up. Are you relying on someone outside of you to make your life better? Are you feeling powerless to live a happy fulfilled life? Happiness and peace can only be gained inside of you. You can find joy in interacting with others but first you must be content with yourself. Love yourself first. Focus on you and being the best “you” that you can be. Then and only then the things that are happening around you, including others flying into rages and being upset, will not affect your happiness.
This is not saying we should bury our head in the sand and not be aware of what is happening in the world because we are here and for the moment we have to live in the world but if you are being tossed about by every storm that blows and you are in a little dinghy you will be in fear. If your ship is solid because you know who you are and you understand that each of us are here living out our purpose, then you will weather the storm in more of a calm state of mind, secure in the fact that you are only responsible for your boat and no one else’s. Keep shining, keep smiling. I love you. Namaste