You must tell yourself no matter how hard it is or how hard it gets, I am going to make it. Les Brown
I awoke and looked around me. The dream seemed so real that I actually felt the presence of others in the room. I looked for them through groggy vision but there was no one there; only me and my two cats wondering why I seemed in such a frenzy. I had to find the clock and fast because I felt panic rushing in, like I was supposed to be somewhere. But wait – I was supposed to be somewhere and soon! Obviously I slept through the alarm and was so caught up in the dream that I didn’t realize it was going off. I still had time to make it to my appointment if traffic was not bad, which it wasn’t and so I did.
This was not an appointment I was looking forward to and I really did not want to go through this. I was there to discuss the thing I did not want to discuss, that I had been trying to avoid thinking about, and to give a sample for testing to see what my cells were saying. Yes, our cells speak. They tell a story. I had to donate some of mine for the test but that’s okay, they will not be missed. Scientists estimate that the adult human has something like 37 million cells! So the story that my donated cells will tell is whether or not I have inherited a specific gene mutation. I spent an hour in consultation to learn about what could potentially show up in the test results. Science has always amazed me and it will be interesting to see what story is told by the cells I sent on their way to be analyzed, wishing them Godspeed and to behave themselves in class!
As I sat there going over family history, my immediate thought was that this does not look so good for the home team. Then I remembered the story of how David slayed the giant Goliath with just a single stone in a slingshot. I prayed that with all the prayers and positive energy healing received from wonderful friends that I would become like David and overcome this monster.
On the way home I gave in to a human moment of weakness. All of a sudden it became so overwhelming to deal with all of this. I pulled into a parking lot and just let the tears roll. I allowed myself that moment of release. The tears were my anger melting and streaming down my face. I had held onto it ever since I found the lump in my breast. I was angry and scared, but mostly angry. Now it was time to let it go. It served its purpose. It helped me to focus on the steps needed to move forward to find a solution. There is nothing I want more than for this to be a no-thing. I believe I can be a David, a conqueror, and I will hold onto that thought as I go forward tomorrow to begin the fight.