What happens when we are unable to meet someone else’s expectations of us? The idea of unconditional love is wonderful but perhaps as humans we are not capable of this. Do we always hold expectations about those in our lives? Do we then judge others if those expectations are not met? It makes me stop and ponder if I do this as well. If someone chooses to include me in their life, I feel honored. I really do not ask anything from them other than friendship and sharing time together. However, when I look at those people that I have distanced myself from I wonder if it was something I judged in them as not meeting my expectations. There are times when I feel like just shutting off from the world, just going into a cave with no human interaction. This feels safer actually than allowing the vulnerability and potential hurt that can come from being judged by others. Hurt, pain, sadness is a part of this human experience. At those low moments we take a deeper look at ourselves and sometimes ask where we failed. However, it isn’t always us that failed. Perhaps we did not meet an expectation that we didn’t even know was there. Sometimes the one holding the expectation does not even realize that the resources are not available to be able to meet those expectations. Things like pride can get in the way of letting others know that perhaps we are financially unable or otherwise incapable to do certain things. This can lead to the feeling of being “less than” and not enough. Confidence can be shaken and self-doubt take over. In a perfect world we are all the same, all equal. However, this is far from a perfect world. Competition and comparison run rampant. It is often said (and even by myself) that we are mirrors of each other. I’m not sure I believe that anymore. I’m still digging for the answer although the hurt makes the glass a little cloudy, but I am holding onto faith and believe that with time (and some window cleaner) it will become clearer.
Facing personal demons is no fun, especially late at night or first thing when arising in the morning. It is my belief that life should be fun, should be enjoyed to its full extent and capability; thus, when buttons are pushed and tears flow it is time to reflect on that which has not been released from my human psyche or from a soul level. This verse from the poem Invictus is a go-to of mine:
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
My decisions lead me to choices, i.e., actions, that not only affect me but those in my life and those in generations that will come after me. My life is not inconsequential. It does have meaning and value and just how much value it has depends on my own sense of self-worth. If I choose to give my power away and give in to feelings of unworthiness, that is on me. It is my choice alone, no one else’s. If I stand up for myself, using my authentic voice, that again is my choice alone. The voice of my father rings in my ears from so many years ago before his passing from this earth plane: “Never let anyone walk all over you.” Interpretation: Know your worth…set your boundaries.
I love you. Namaste
You are feeling the yearning to move forward, to stretch beyond that which is restraining you, holding you in place. Dear ones, open your eyes and you will see that those tethers are of your own creation. As you stand there frozen in fear of what lies ahead and remembering what transpired in your past, you are the only one who can release the bonds. Nothing you have done up until this point in your life can control you unless you give it the power to do so. But Master, you say, it is unforgivable. It was shameful and hurtful towards others. Forgiveness, dear ones, is unconditional; however, does not happen instantaneously. When you are dealing with feelings of shame, regret, anger, these are very strong emotions. Your mind knows you would be in a better place if you would release them. Your heart feels burdened underneath their weight. Your ego wants to hold onto them perhaps because they are all you feel you have left of a situation in which you were hurt very deeply. Well-meaning advice of “just let it go” make you feel worse and sometimes rebellious to hold on tighter to the feelings. Forgiveness, like grief, is a process that is individual to the person and the situation. There are stages you will go through as you forgive but keep in mind that when you decide to start the process you are unlocking the chains that were holding you. With each emotion you let go of, another cord is cut layer by layer until you have peeled away that which stings, that which controls you, that which was slowly draining you of life. Gently release those chains using your own free will to do so and in your own time. When you finally reach that place of total forgiveness towards another or towards yourself, your heart will respond in a miraculous way and begin to fill with love once again.