Miracles Happen When You Trust

As my recovery from breast cancer surgery is in full swing, it amazes me to look back on the journey and all the synchronicities that happened to get me through such a challenging time.  I’m now at the point of preparing for the final surgery – breast reconstruction.  I know this surgery is not as intense or life-preserving as what I have already endured and some may even judge my decision; however, it is my body and mine alone to make the judgement call.  I want to share with you something that happened yesterday that was confirmation to me that I am supported by the angels in this journey all along the way.

One requirement for surgery is having pre-op clearance from my primary care doctor.  I went for a lab workup this week and was told my doctor was unavailable to do the pre-op visit in the timeframe needed as my surgery is scheduled in a couple of weeks.  Yes, he is that busy!  They said they would see what they could do to get me in, so I left the office with no definite appointment scheduled and looking at a one-week window to get it completed.  I didn’t get upset, or scared that it may not happen, I just had a little talk with the angels and left it at that.

Yesterday, a client wanted me to help with clearing the energy in a house, so we set an appointment for that afternoon.  As the time got closer, I texted her that a storm was coming through the area we were going to and asked about rescheduling.  She was delayed at her appointment and said she was running behind but had checked with someone in the area and the storm had already passed through (divine timing) so we kept our plans although a bit later than originally scheduled.  She picked me up to drive the half-hour or so to the house.  We had been on the road less than 10 minutes when my phone rang.  It was the doctor’s office.  They had a cancellation and wanted to know if I could come in.  The amazing part – we were on the same road as the doctor’s office and less than 10 minutes away!   Again, divine timing because if we had kept our original appointment without the delay, we would have been too far away for me to get to the doctor’s office in time to be seen!

At the visit, I was told that my labwork was perfect, my chest x-ray was perfect, and the doctor signed off for my surgery.  Now, I get to go on my trip next week to participate in a research study and visit family afterwards with a sigh of relief that everything is being handled in perfect divine timing!

More synchronicities surrounding this – a friend from California will be in my state during this time and I will be able to meet up with her along with several other friends in the area the day before surgery.  Also, one of my Facebook friends who I have not met yet is speaking at an event in my city that will take place 2 days after my surgery and he invited me to be there – yes, I plan on attending.  He is even making a video where he will talk about my journey!  This is part of the message the angels gave me as I was walking through the intense part of the journey. I heard very clearly that this is not about me, but about all the people who can be assisted in facing their challenges and being there with outstretched arms to support and encourage.  That’s my life path and I welcome it in every way.  If you want to reach out to me, I am here for you.  If you just need to hear “It will be okay” or “you are not alone” or just have someone on the other end of the phone who will let you cry and vent, I’m here and I will stand right beside you through your journey.  I love you!

Grief Is Love

both11“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go” ~ Jamie Anderson

There are many skeptics who discount the feelings of non-human animals.  I have been doing research for a book I am writing about animals and in doing so I came across an article in the Smithsonian where a story is relayed about an orca, Tahlequah, who carried her dead calf through icy water for 17 days before dropping it.  The story ended with these words: “The question is not “Do animals grieve?” but “How do animals grieve?”

As you may be aware, my almost 20-year-old cat, Tazzie, passed away Monday morning.  This has left such a huge hole in my heart with her physical absence, although I know her spirit is still right beside me.  What I am observing now first-hand is the grief that my other cat, Gizmo, is exhibiting.  He will be 19 in a couple of months and he has only known a world where Taz was there every day of his life.  He has always been such a rambunctious cat, very vocal and extremely active.  He is now very obviously depressed, crying, and has thrown up twice today.  He has eaten very little, which is unusual for him. He has searched the entire apartment looking for her, especially her hiding places where she would go for peace and quiet. He looks out the windows to see if she is outside. He will not leave my side. We are grieving her together, comforting each other. I know it is confusing for him and I am doing my best to give him as much attention as possible while dealing with my own grief and other health issues. Gizmo is a very intuitive cat and I know he understands that I am not in a good place emotionally right now.  I’m facing some huge decisions about my health and he keeps snuggling beside me, telling me it will be okay.  I’m trusting you to know that buddy.  We will get through this together but it may take awhile for us both.

My friend Karen is my co-author for our book, A Time For Animals Love Revolution.  She has helped me over the last couple of days with words of comfort including the phrase “grief is love.”  There are no rules to grief just as there are no rules to love.  It just is and it is different for each one of us.  There is no pattern to follow, no set timeframe to work through.  I’m learning to be gentle with myself and allowing the tears to flow with no judgement.  I’m learning that it is okay to let others see me cry. I’m learning that my grief is changing me every day, making me stronger as I focus on why I am grieving.  It is because I loved so deeply and I would not trade that for anything. I loved my little girl with my whole heart and received even more love back from her. She gave me the most precious gift I could ever receive by allowing me to spend her dying moments with her to feel her last heartbeat and hear her last breath. She died hearing the words “I love you” coming from me, her constant companion for her whole lifetime.

So as scientists keep trying to figure out if and how animals grieve, I’m living with a grieving one and he is teaching me so much about how very deeply he feels the loss of his precious sister. If you believe in prayer and a higher power, we could use all of those we can get right now.

 

Read more: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/do-animals-experience-grief-180970124/#o0VGdmhGMFd1QWX2.99

Never Quit

sailboat-at-sunset-46572“If you quit once it becomes a habit. Never quit!” Michael Jordan

One of the most successful sports figures of all time gives this sage advice that we can all use.  I have quit many times in many different areas of my life.  Every time I gave up on a dream or goal, there was a sense of something dissipating from my spirit.  I choose not to call those failures but rather redirections.  I have learned many lessons in this lifetime through these changes in direction.  I ran from some problems, trying to erase them from memory thinking that would erase them fully; but it just does not work that way.  Whether we acknowledge our experiences or not, they are part of who we are.  The only way to learn from our lessons is to embrace them, whether pleasant or unpleasant.  Many times there is so much more to learn from the valleys than from the hilltop.

I have refrained from asking why these current health problems are happening.  I did that in the past – dwelled on playing the victim only to go into rage and eventually depression which only added to the problem.  As much as I dislike when I hear someone say “it is what it is” that is the only way I can look at this now.  It is here and I have to make a choice of how I respond to it.  Yes, there is anger but not rage.  I am letting the anger motivate me, to propel me forward to a solution instead of dwelling on what is happening.  I do not choose to see myself as a victim but rather a student of life.   I am learning strength and resiliency and to never quit.  Whatever comes my way, I will not give up.  I will not go gently into that good night as one poet so eloquently shared.  I choose health, love, peace, joy, happiness for myself.  I know many people are sending healing energy my way.  Quan Yin teaches that love is what heals.  I accept and receive with gratitude all the love sent my way and fully believe I am healed.  For the last year I have been learning the best way to take care of my physical body with nutrition and I know this is helping me to heal even faster.  Today I received word from my doctor that my lab work was amazing and I only need to take one supplement for a vitamin D deficiency (and I live in the Sunshine state, LOL).

The journey this lifetime is strange in so many ways.  I have come to accept the uniqueness of it and embrace the wonder of me that fits into the big puzzle that is all of us.  We are all in this together.  We are all one. I have learned that when one hurts, we all hurt.  The level of compassion shown during this time is overwhelming. Some ask what they can do, others just do and then tell me about it (thanks Audi).  I have people at my side for doctor appointments and plans to be with me for upcoming surgeries, even taking time off work to do so!  My hand is being held all along this journey and I am so very grateful to not be facing it alone.  Many have contributed to help ease the financial burden as well and this is so greatly appreciated.  When I express gratitude, the response is “of course, you are family!”  So to those who are there holding me up through this, I love you and there are no words to express my deep gratitude – I offer only these four words “I will never quit.”

If you would like to donate to help with medical expenses, you can give through PayPal at paypal.me/angelspeakers  or Go Fund Me here

Self-Reflection On A Rainy Day

macro shot photography of water drops

Photo by Lum3n.com on Pexels.com

What happens when we are unable to meet someone else’s expectations of us? The idea of unconditional love is wonderful but perhaps as humans we are not capable of this. Do we always hold expectations about those in our lives? Do we then judge others if those expectations are not met? It makes me stop and ponder if I do this as well. If someone chooses to include me in their life, I feel honored. I really do not ask anything from them other than friendship and sharing time together. However, when I look at those people that I have distanced myself from I wonder if it was something I judged in them as not meeting my expectations. There are times when I feel like just shutting off from the world, just going into a cave with no human interaction. This feels safer actually than allowing the vulnerability and potential hurt that can come from being judged by others. Hurt, pain, sadness is a part of this human experience. At those low moments we take a deeper look at ourselves and sometimes ask where we failed. However, it isn’t always us that failed. Perhaps we did not meet an expectation that we didn’t even know was there.  Sometimes the one holding the expectation does not even realize that the resources are not available to be able to meet those expectations. Things like pride can get in the way of letting others know that perhaps we are financially unable or otherwise incapable to do certain things. This can lead to the feeling of being “less than” and not enough. Confidence can be shaken and self-doubt take over. In a perfect world we are all the same, all equal. However, this is far from a perfect world. Competition and comparison run rampant. It is often said (and even by myself) that we are mirrors of each other. I’m not sure I believe that anymore. I’m still digging for the answer although the hurt makes the glass a little cloudy, but I am holding onto faith and believe that with time (and some window cleaner) it will become clearer.

Sojourn Into Transformation

spiritimageI have reached the end of my sojourn that was a month-long process for me.  I have visited family and friends, met many new friends and have been able to give real hugs to some friends who were only virtual friends before this trip.  I have seen snow and beautiful countryside scenery and then entered into one of the most peaceful serene places on earth and immersed myself in its healing energy.  I am not returning home as the same person I was when I left.  So much has changed that it would be impossible to put it into words.  It’s the is-ness experience to the fullest degree possible.  “Is-ness” is living in the Now moment; choosing to surrender completely to what is happening. I consciously made it mine, allowing the unfolding of the event to be whatever it would “be” without the burden of my expectations.  This does not mean that I had no desire concerning the outcome of the experience but my desire took a backseat to the flow of energy that happened with the experience.  With every experience that happened on this journey, I allowed it without attachment to the outcome.  I said “yes” to the is-ness.  I let go of personal attachments easily and without regrets.  It takes great courage to do this, to step out of your comfort zone; yet, I do not feel courageous.  I feel empowered, spiritually expanded and physically renewed.

I feel I can now say yes to whatever is out there for me to experience. I have experienced being open to the flow of the “is-ness” and choosing to do so has transformed my entire life.  This experience was made possible because of one person who believed in me, who wanted only the best possible outcome for my experience.  Her love and support was given without personal agenda but rather with compassion and in response to urgings from her higher self and spirit guides.  Many thanks to my dear friend Jeryl Anne.  I know we have a lot of work to do together and I am super-excited for that!

How do I thank you for all you have done

For loving me unconditionally

For believing in me fully

How do I thank you for sharing life’s adventures with me?

 

Simply by loving me loving you  – unconditionally

 

Your Word

quotes-You-can-make-a-diffeClose your eyes.  Relax into whatever comes to you after the darkness.  Wait in anticipation as if you were waiting for the beginning of a movie at the theater.  Do you see the curtains opening?  Do you hold an expectation of what image might show up or will you be pleasantly surprised?  Wait for it.  With your eyes closed and body relaxed, now you are ready.  What is that word you hear?  Follow it.  Go into the sound of it, the way it is said, the possible meanings.  When you shut out all other stimuli and let yourself receive, you enter a place where you can be you.  Who are you?  Let the word answer the question.  Follow the sound, see the word written in front of you.  Look at how it is written.  Go to it and touch it, smell it, get to know it.  This word that comes to you is your creation.  Get to know it intimately.  Did the darkness disappear as the word came into focus?  Did your word light up that dark space you entered when you closed your eyes?  This is how powerful you are, dear ones.  You are creators.  You have within you the means to bring light where there is none.  You can bring joy into sad hearts.  You can make a difference if you only close your eyes and find your way out of the darkness.

152950274I am so grateful for this day!  I feel “seen” by God.  I know the angels are surrounding me. I am loved.  I am that — I am!  I am the sound of a thousand songbirds.  I am the rush of a million waves in the ocean.  I am the quiet snow on the mountaintop.  I am the breeze brushing against my face.  I am the children’s laughter coming from the playground.  I am the words written on this page. I am peace.  I am LOVE.  I am joy.  I am that!